No one forced me,neither luck do.
Felt like controlled by some demon,in my head.
Brain,gonna explode....I can't resist that anymore...
Ready to jump...
3......2.......1......
Mind's blank,out of no where,a picture with sound echoed through my empty mind.
Looks familiar.....Isn't this darkie,the one who puppets me toward the end of my life?
Isn't him the one who makes myself so depressed?
Isn't him the one who turn me into some sort of emo guy?
Isn't him annoyed me through out every dream I had recently?
He,is the demon,
He looks like me,
He has the same height as me.
In fact,he is me.
I failed,over and over again,trying to conquer my own pessimism.
Like climbing up a ladder,fall hard everytime I try to touch the end.
Why I failed?
I never even think about it.
Some days ago,I asked Mr.Bong for help,he asked me to find the root of the problem
Early on,I've suspected that 'that ' is the source of my 'fire'
But I denied it,cause I don't think I'm that kind of person.
Until today,I still can't find the source,and the 'fire' is closing in.
I need to find the solution,before it get worst!
'That',suddenly flashed out in my brain......
"Are you sure that's the root?Wei Khai?"
I can't confirm it,only others can.So I sms-ed mei mei,and she also agree on that too!
I wouldn't have thought too much negative stuff,wouldn't be so lack of self-esteem,wouldn't be so pessimistic right now,if I'm not scare of the consequences of failing to try something.
I wouldn't scare of the consequences of failing to try something if I'm not trying to escape from encountering the reality right?
Finally,yes,indeed,I am trying to avoid reality,the facts...
Because of that,I always scare to try this and try that.
Recently,I was forced to try something out....
That leads me to think of the consequences of failure.
"Hey if I did that it would..........."
This is my true weakness.Lies in my heart,drived me to the point of suicide last time...
I'm 15,now only discovered that my real weakness.How ironic.
Finding the source,is just a beginning.
A beginning for me to walk backward and away from the abyss.
A beginning for me to walk toward the light of success.
Stage 1,officially finished.Stage 2,is the key plot of the whole story,is the time for Vendetta.
I never felt this happy before,even though there are tons of obstacle on the way,waiting to crush my will.
Yesterday is different than today,I can and I'll walk through all these!
Cause I know,after all these,I'll be a better man !
Cause I know,only through this,I deserved to be in the battlefield!
Gambateh!
[Khai,ends transmission]
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